Happy Easter

I love you so much, baby boy and I really wish I could be with you right now. I miss you.

Love you always,
Mommy

I'm So Sorry

My Dearest Jacob:

I am so sorry, my sweet boy. I am sorry for everything. I am sorry for turning your world upside down. I am sorry for walking out of the door and breaking your heart. Baby boy, I know I made so many mistakes and it hurts me to know I can't change the past. I want to fix things between us, but I don't know how. I want to be in your life more. I want to watch you grow. It breaks my heart when I think about all the time I am missing. You are such a big boy and you are growing so fast and I am missing out on all the important moments of your life.

I am so sorry.

Love you forever,
Mommy

You are my everything

My Dearest Jacob:

Hi sweetheart! Mommy loves you! I got to hear your voice today for the first time in several days. It made mommy really happy. I got to tell you how much I loved and missed you. I got to hear you tell me you loved me and tell me how you were painting mommy a picture of a ship. I hope daddy lets you send it to me. You are very artistic and I love all of your pictures.

I really wish I got to talk to you more often. It makes mommy's heart really sad when there are days when I don't get to talk to you. Hearing your voice and knowing you are okay makes mommy really happy. Baby boy, I hope that I can see you real soon. I miss you more than anything in the world. I would give anything to be able to come see you right now. I hope you can understand that mommy does love you and want to see you. Mommy is just unable to make the long trip right now to come see you. But mommy starts work tomorrow, so hopefully things will soon change. Mommy will be able to save up some money to see you as soon as she can.

Sweetheart, do you know how proud  you make mommy? You are such a smart boy and I know you will go far in life. You have such an amazing personality. You are truly one of a kind, little one. You are my whole wide world.

I wish I could hold you right now. I'd give up anything to hold you right now.

I love you forever and ever,
Mommy

For you

My dearest Jacob:

Mommy wrote these for you and I wanted to share them with you. I hope you like them.

Love you forever,
Mommy

Jacob

I miss your big blue eyes

Shining brightly as you smile at me.

I miss your laughter, your hugs, your kisses,

but most of all Jacob, I miss you.

I go to bed at night,

and my dreams are filled with happiness

and memories of better days.

I wake up in the morning with the reality,

That you are still gone.

My arms are empty,

my heart isn't whole.

My world is dark and gray.

I am just not complete without you,

and i know that I never will be.

I need you, precious little boy,

you are the sunshine of my life.

You are the reason that my heart still beats,

and my motivation to get through the day.

I miss our cuddle time at night,

and our picnics at the park.

I miss our days when we had not a care in the world,

and all that mattered to us

was the love we have for each other.

Little Jacob, my life isn't the same anymore

and I need you to feel whole again.

It breaks my heart in tiny little pieces

every second that we are apart.

If I could turn back time to make things right,

believe me sweet Jacob, I would.

I wish that life had a rewind button,

and that I could fix the mistakes that I have made

and erase all the hurt I may have caused you.

I miss your sweet "I love you's"

and the way you played with my hair.

I miss the silly songs we used to sing

and I miss all the time we had together.

If I would have known that we'd be apart,

I would have held you a little tighter,

cuddled you a lot longer,

and little Jacob baby,

I would have never let you go.

I'm so sorry...

Baby Boy

Baby boy, to see your face

To feel your touch again

Would be like heaven on earth.

To hear your voice

To smell your skin

Would mean more to me than you will ever know.

Baby boy, I’ve made mistakes.

To know I hurt you kills me inside.

I wish I could make things right.

I love you more than words can possibly describe.

You are my heart, my soul, the beat of my heart.

I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you.

Baby boy, you are my little angel.

The meaning of my life.

My will to go on.

You are my inspiration,

My happiness and joy.

The reason I’m alive.

Baby boy, I hope you know,

How being away from you

Is tearing me up inside.

I need you, sweet baby boy.

I need you here with me.

I never wanted to let you go.

Baby boy, please feel me deep inside.

Know that I am with you wherever you go.

Feel my arms wrapped tightly around you.

Feel me stroke your soft hair

And feel my lips pressed against your cheek.

Know in your heart that I am always there.

Baby boy, I will find a way

To make things right again.

Please know, that I will do whatever it takes.

I am not whole without you here.

I am nothing but an empty shell.

I need you to fix my broken heart.

Baby boy, never forget how much you mean to me.

Always feel my love.

Know in your heart that my love will never end.

Know that I will find a way

To bring you back where you belong

Safely in Mommy’s arms. 

 

You are my Sunshine

My Dearest Jacob:

How are you doing, little man? I hope you are doing well. Mommy tried to call you tonight but daddy didn't pick up the phone. I just want you to know that mommy tries to call you every single night. I just want to be able to talk to you and tell you I love you. I want to be able to hear your voice and blow you kisses. Daddy doesn't  always let mommy talk to you though and that makes me really sad. I know sometimes you wonder why you don't hear from mommy. Well baby, that is why. Mommy wants to talk to you as much as possible and mommy tries to talk to you, but sometimes daddy doesn't let us talk.

My little sweetheart, I wish you were here with mommy right now. Or I wish mommy was there with you right now. Either way, I want us to be together. The days we spend apart get harder and harder for mommy. The days just drag on and mommy feels so lonely without you. You are my Sunshine, my little one. My only Sunshine.

I miss you so much right now and I'd give anything just to feel you near.

I love you forever and always,
Mommy

I miss you, Kiddo

My Dearest Jacob:

How are you, my sweet boy? I hope you are doing well. I have been trying to call you the last three nights but daddy says you have been over Papa's house. I hope that you are having a good time. I miss hearing your voice. Daddy said that you will be home tomorrow night so I am really looking forward to talking to you. I hope you know how much mommy misses and loves you. You are mommy's whole wide world. You are the brightest star in the sky. Baby, you are my everything. I hope you know that mommy really doesn't like how things are right now. You and mommy belong together, little one, mommy strongly believes that. It makes mommy really sad to be so far away from you.

Mommy couldn't sleep last night. Mommy's heart was really sad and she longed to hold you in her arms. Instead, mommy spent the night praying and thinking about you. It makes me feel better to think about all the wonderful moments we shared together. We will have many more wonderful moments together, baby, you just wait and see. We will have the time of our lives! We will go on adventures together, have a blast, and just enjoy each other's company. Baby boy, I can't wait! We will have so much fun together!

Love you forever,
Mommy

Ps: I love you!!

Good News!

My Dearest Jacob:

Hey baby boy! Mommy has some good news to tell you! Mommy got a job today. Do you know what that means? It means that mommy will be making some money now so she will be able to save up money and come see you. Wouldn't that be wonderful baby? We have not seen each other since January and it's been really hard for mommy not to see you like she used to. I miss you so much! And pretty soon baby, mommy will have enough money saved up so she can move back to South Carolina and be closer to you. Then we'll be able to spend a lot of time together!

Right now things are hard being so far away from each other, but I can promise you sweet boy, things will change. They may take a long time, but they will change. Mommy will do whatever she can to see you as soon as possible. Mommy wants to hold you in her arms again and give you the biggest kiss ever.

Whenever you are feeling lonely baby, just close your eyes and feel mommy's arms around you. Know that mommy is there and loves you so much.

I love you forever,
Mommy


Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, 

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I love you

My Dearest Jacob:

I love you and I miss you more than words can say. I wish you and I were cuddling right now. I'd love to read you a bedtime story and hold you in my arms as you fell asleep, just like we used to do. You always fell asleep in mommy's arms and mommy loved that feeling more than anything. Mommy would just spend hours watching you sleep so peacefully. You are such a handsome little man. You have the prettiest blue eyes that mommy has ever seen in her life.

I love you so much little man and I think about you always. I can't wait until I get to hold you in my arms again.

Love you forever and always,
Mommy

Sweet Baby Boy...

My Dearest Jacob:

 

Today it snowed where mommy is right now. I woke up and saw the snow falling and I immediately thought of you. I imagined the three of us, you, daddy, and mommy, running around and playing in the snow. Catching snowflakes on our tongues, making snow angels, and just smiling and laughing. What fun that would have been! The snow ended up turning into rain and there's no snow left on the ground, but it still would have been fun to play in the snow while it was falling earlier.

Has mommy told you lately how amazing you are? You are going to be starting pre-k in August. What a big boy you are! It breaks mommy's heart to know she won't be there to see you off on your first day of school. Please baby boy, know that I want to be there more than anything in this world. I want to be there to share those special moments with you. I want to be there to tell you and show you just how proud of you I am. It makes mommy's heart really sad that she is missing out on your life like this. I want to be there, Jacob. I want to be there so bad.

I miss going outside with you and playing on the big hill behind the apartment. We used to have so much fun sword fighting with sticks and playing cowboys. I miss taking you to the "sand park" and watching you make sand angels. You used to get so much sand in your hair. It was so funny. Mommy didn't mind though. That just meant you'd get extra time to play in the bath when we got home! I miss cuddling with you in the bed reading you story after story because you kept picking them out. Mommy loved that time with you and would give anything to be able to do that with you again. Please know, baby boy, that you and mommy will get those special times together again. It might take a little while, but we will get those.

Hold your memories of us together close to your heart. Whenever you feel lonely or sad, know that mommy loves you! Mommy has always loved you and mommy always will. You are mommy's shining star. Mommy's pride and joy! You fill mommy with so much happiness. I just want you to know that.

Well baby boy, I am looking forward to talking to you on the phone tonight. I know you don't really like talking on the phone much, but even getting to hear you say you love me is enough to make mommy's heart leap with joy.

I love you forever and always,
Mommy

:)

Jacob...

My Dearest Jacob

My Dearest Jacob:

I love you more than words can say. I want you to know that I think about you always. There is never a moment that you are not on my mind. I know things are strange right now and you do not understand why mommy is no longer there with you, but someday, my son, you will understand.

I want you to know that you did not do anything wrong. Please baby boy, don't ever blame yourself. You have been mommy's pride and joy since mommy found out she was going to have a baby. You continue to amaze me every single day. I am so proud of the amazing little boy you have become.

I want you to know, sweetheart, that mommy never meant to hurt you when I walked out that door. I honestly thought it would be best for you. See, honey, mommy and daddy used to fight all of the time. I knew that the fighting was not good for you to be around. I know that when you saw mommy and daddy fight, it upset you. I didn't want you to go through that anymore.

Mommy realizes now that she should have tried harder to stop fighting with daddy. Mommy knows she made a mistake. Just know, baby  boy, that mommy never meant to hurt you. I wish that I could go back and change things for the better.

It hurts mommy to know that she is living so far away from you. Mommy cries a lot because she cannot hold her little boy like she used to. My sweet Jacob, I want you to know I will never stop loving you. You will always be my baby boy and one day, mommy will come back.

It might take a while baby, but mommy will move back. And of course, my love, I will come visit whenever I can. I miss you more than words can ever say and I just want you to know that you are always in my heart.


Love you forever,
Mommy